Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What a woman wants…. Acceptance?

Hi, there… woman here.  And, a very awkward one at that.  Let’s get a little serious this time….

My whole life I’ve never felt that I completely fit into a certain circle or particular type of personality caste.  It’s weird, and I’m weird –so I’ve been told over and over again, and I lived in Portland, OR and was told that while living there so that’s saying something.  I kind of like it, you know.  I mean I get to be myself most of the time while some are pretending to be someone that they are not.  It’s kind of… I don’t know… liberating and at times lonely because I don’t always have someone like myself to relate to-besides my husband.  I’ve never had a group of girlfriends that are all alike.  My friends are all different and unique and each has something different to offer, and I love that about them. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be in a group of women that are all mostly the same, and what it would be like to have the overall uniformity and relatedness it must bring.  However, even if you try to put yourself into a particular group, you don’t always feel accepted, right?

As I have observed, I believe that there are 3 different types of women…

#1 woman is independent.  She goes out of her way to do things on her own because she “doesn’t care” what society thinks about her.  Independent woman wants to sit around and reflect on why she doesn’t want a ton of friends and only few close ones, and makes fun of groups of women that all appear alike because deep down somewhere she wants to feel acceptance by other women; an acceptance that she has always wanted, but will never admit to. She’s insecure about herself, and therefore speaks out against other women and their looks. She will go out of her way to be different and unique so that she won’t ever fit anyone’s social norm.

#2 woman is social, not socialite.  She loves being around people, and her girlfriends, but doesn’t need them to feel like she fits into a certain mold that makes her feel good about herself.  A social woman can have just as much fun with one friend, or by herself, as she can with a group of people.  She feels acceptance in her small group of friends, but still wants more validity in her life from her friends at times when she is feeling down about herself.

#3 woman is a “mean girl” so-to-speak.  Her life revolves around perception, constantly.  How others perceive her, and who she socializes with, speaks to her personally.  She will manipulate in order to make herself look or feel better in order to save face at any cost.  Her acceptance lies in how others view her status.

I have felt that at different times in my life I have held all 3 positions; #1 when I didn’t want to be hurt anymore, #2 when I was feeling more confident in my body and my life, and #3 when I was feeling insecure about myself and longing for social acceptance. I feel that no matter which social/unsocial stigma fits you that there will always be times where you feel insecure and that you aren't truly accepted.

Or, maybe that's just my own personal struggle...



  1. I love this Jess. You are Amazing dude and I love you for being "different" what ever that means. Ps don't ever be a mean girl or I will have to arm bar you!

  2. Amen, SistaFriend! I love you!