Hello, I’m back. I’m not dead, but I almost was. Being extremely sick makes you rethink your life as you are lying on what in the moment seems to be your death bed, and then as soon as you get better you are at a loss for creativity and are just trying to get back to being you. And, this is what has happened to me over the past few weeks. I believe I’m back to normal, but we will see.
I’m a firm believer in many things, but putting my time into reading Yahoo! News has become a daily ritual for me. Just ask my husband about all the random tidbits that I quote to him, and when he asks where I heard that from, it’s almost always… Yahoo! News. They cover every genre and random tidbit I like to read about. However, recently there was an advice column about how a man can tell if a woman is interested in them.
Relationship advice columns are notorious to me for being overwhelmingly cheesetastic, and ludicrous in their suggestions of how to woo the opposite sex. Just take a gander…
#1- She touches herself up-
"If she’s excusing herself to the restroom between courses, it’s doubtful she has a weak bladder. Nope, more likely she’s in there freshening up her makeup or making sure her hair is in place... all for you.”
Response: First off, perhaps she really does have a bladder problem you insensitive jerk, or she’s going to the bathroom to “touch” herself up because she feels insecure that you are checking other women out right in front of her. Or, maybe the cheap restaurant you chose to take her to gave her explosive diarrhea. Yaya, ever thought about that one, and she has to get up to go to the bathroom so that she doesn't further embarrass herself. I mean, she is already there with you which is embarrassing enough, right? What kind of crap are you feeding me, Yahoo?
#2 She asks about your family
“When a woman likes a guy, she doesn’t want to get to know just him on a date,” says Jillian Straus, author of Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We’re Still Single. “She wants to know about his family and friends — she’s looking for clues about what life with him would be like.”
Response: Great! So, not only do women need to sound desperate and needy enough to have to know every little detail on the first date, but that’s the only way a man will know that a woman really likes them by stalking their life. How many dates are we talking about here that questions like this need to come up? I mean 5th date, okay, 1st date, no…. we will not talk about what our children’s names will be on our first date.
#3 She’s touchy-feely
“If you find your date engaging in a little physical contact along with witty banter, chances are you’ve made a very good impression.”
Response: Umm…. Duh. Of course if someone touches you they like you, right? I mean, I only touch somebody when I like them. Now, if the side hug is what we are talking about that just means “friends”, but if we are talking full on bear hug, she likes you. I can barely stand this advice.
Note to reader, if you can’t tell if someone likes you, point blank ask them. What’s the worst that could happen besides you being completely heartbroken and possibly suicidal from them rejecting you?
Yahoo!.... more like Not You… for advice in the relationship category. If I need updates on real news, I will come back to you…
Until then, booyah.